10 Weeks...clock won't you please slow down...

Kai is ten weeks old today. Where did the time go? I hate to overuse this statement, but I still can't get my arms around how fast the time has gone by since Kai was born. As it gets closer to the end of my maternity leave it seems that time speeds up even faster and the lump in my throat grows even bigger. I'm absolutely dreading going back to work. Everyone tells me that this is normal, but I truly wish it didn't have to be the norm. I've never wanted to spend so much time with someone in my life. I've never gushed over anyone or anything as much in my life. I'm very happy being a mother. I like this new role. I love my new label. Not a lot of people know this about me, but up until a few years ago I never thought I wanted children. In fact, when Constant and I first started dating I told him that I didn't want kids so if that was something that he wanted in his life that he should consider not dating me. I guess I've always feared not being a good parent. I feared that I would always be selfish and choose satisfying myself first over the needs of my child. I didn't want to be this kind of parent. Clearly my desires changed about having a child. Though ten weeks into it, I'm still scared as hell of not being a good parent, I look forward to this journey and am ready for the challenge. Being a mother is the hardest job that I've ever had. The most gratifying, but certainly the most difficult and it's only just begun. For the last ten years, I've devoted myself to building my career and ended up working in a male dominated defense industry. Let me tell you, the men that I work with in these senior positions have nothing on mothers. I'm saddened  that mothers don't earn the same amount of respect and not even close to the paycheck. I would give my career up in heart beat to stay home with my little guy. Money can't buy smiles like this one.

At Kai's two month appointment yesterday (10 weeks old) he weighed in at 12lbs 12 oz. He grew two inches and is now 23.5 inches. They measured his head in inches yesterday and it was 15 inches. I have yet to do the conversion to cm's. He also had the dtap and the rotavirus vaccinations. These were his first shots. It killed me to give them to him, but he seemed to handle them like a champ.