Back to Work Blues

It was inevitable that the dreaded November 2nd would eventually catch up to me and I would have to rejoin the ranks as a working mom. It came, I cried, and cried some more...two weeks later I can't say that I am over it, I guess I've just gotten numb to it. Rather than crying in the morning, my new routine consists of crying in the evening after I pick up my little guy. I really thought that when I picked Kai up at "school" the first day that he would greet me with a big huge smile. You know, the smile that I've worked hard to capture a picture of. The smile that melts my heart and lifts my sorrows. Nope, that wasn't the case. I swear I am not this naive. Kai pretty much acted like he didn't know me, sort of like Bentley does after a weekend away at doggy day care. I really wondered if Bentley got to Kai first and taught him this. All of my kids, 4 legged or two legged have already aligned forces. Yeah so that pretty much broke my heart that he didn't seem to have any noticeable bond to me. The last three months I've been sort of secretly relishing that I was Kai's best friend and that I could sooth him in a second. That's not the case anymore...in one short day at school we are no longer BFF's. If the truth be told, I've wondered if his teachers have wondered if he's unhappy at home. I've tried different approaches to the pick up routine, but ultimately as soon as I pick him up he cries. Not only does this break my heart, it brings back vivid memories of the feeling I get when I pick up other infants and they cry as soon I pick them up. For clarification purposes, Kai's cry isn't just some subtle whimpering it's an inconsolable cry. If I didn't feel guilty enough before, it's in full force now.