I've been trying to update my blog for nearly 6 weeks now. It's absolutely amazing how fast the days go by now. I've given in to the fact that anything that I do between the hours of 7am and 6pm will be done one handed. I don't even know where to begin. I'm not sure how it is possible that it's nearly six weeks since Kai was born. I have so much to talk about and so much to share...my thoughts race to figure out where to start while I eye the monitor wondering how many minutes to myself I will have before my little angel needs me.
Being a mother is the most amazing gift I have ever received. I'm not sure if this feeling will ever change, but I look at my little man in pure disbelief that I helped to create him. Having a child is certainly an absolute miracle and truly a gift.
The last six weeks have been both the most amazing and most difficult journey I have ever been on. Every day is filled with wonder...for both of us I think.
Kai is really not the quiet baby I expected him to be. I imagined that he would basically eat and sleep all day. I never really thought he would cry too much and I certainly never thought that I would describe my child as being fussy. I sort of envisioned myself as that cool, collected and put together mother who had the perfect baby. Though I do think that Kai is perfect, life with him hasn't really been as I expected or planned. Kai taught me very early on in our relationship that he was now in control and every thing that I did or thought about during the day would be dictated by him. It's amazing how that happened.
Let's talk about breast feeding...definitely a lot harder than I ever imagined. I'm really thankful that I took the time and went to a series of La Leche League meetings prior to having Kai and have good friends like Katie to be a support system. I am pretty certain that if I hadn't I probably would have given up. For something that should be so natural, it's not really. That's just my opinion of course. I find myself constantly wondering if Kai is eating enough and feel guilty when he cries assuming he's hungry and I didn't feed him enough. One of my favorite questions these days is "do you think he's hungry?" The first couple of weeks I really struggled with the whole guilt thing. Kai was born at 7lbs 8oz and lost about a lb. It's normal for babies to lose about 10% of their body weight, but I couldn't get him to eat well and it was taking a little long for him to gain his birth weight back. My husband asked me yesterday if it was a good feeling knowing that I was the only one who could truly sooth Kai right now. It's a nice feeling in a way, but certainly weighs heavy on you as well. Breast feeding gets easier every day.
To be continued....
